I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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