As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
