We're facebook friends in real life
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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