Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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