whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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