I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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