My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
