I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
