By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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