i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
