You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
