Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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