I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
