he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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