Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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