you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
