Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When are your genitals available?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
