how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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