The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
