um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
