just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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