We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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