Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
