Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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