He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
