Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
