got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
