I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think your dad took our porno
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
