Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
