My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize