are you still at the devil's house?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
