Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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