why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ketchup is God's man juice
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
