i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
