Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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