why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
