I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
