On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
