i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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