I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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