I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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