I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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