Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
