my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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