Just cropdusted the office
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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