Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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