This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
