Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
