I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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