A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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