based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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