So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
