So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
