I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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