Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
