yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
