I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
