As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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