I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
