she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
