the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
