hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
