I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
