you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
