I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
