Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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