Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
