you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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