U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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