i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
