The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
