dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she looked like the before picture.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
