he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
