I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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