I wish my penis had an off switch
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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