Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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