I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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